Today Eve and I went out for groceries. Nothing out of the ordinary. Eve seemed to be excited about a new brand of apples, Genesis Orchard. Her friends had told her all about it. I can't imagine what can be so good about these apples. They look regular to me. If anything they’re remarkably pricey. But everything seems to be more expensive these days. I didn’t pay attention to it. If it makes her happy, of course we’ll buy the apples.
I wonder if I should've stopped Eve from buying the apples. I don't know why I keep thinking that. It keeps me up at night.
Eve’s attention seems to be somewhere else these days. I suggested going out for dinner today. She wasn’t interested. When I talk to her she responds as normal, but I can see she is thinking of something else. I wonder if I missed something. Has she met someone else?
I have this feeling that things in our life have started to change. I can't put my finger on it. Nothing is visibly different, yet I am uncomfortable. I don’t want things to change...
My mom rang today. She needed to talk to Eve. I don’t know what they spoke about, but it didn’t sound serious. Eve was laughing at whatever my mom had to say. They’d never been close. But it was nice to hear Eve laugh again. When I asked Eve what had been so funny, she said I wouldn’t understand anyway. I guess that makes sense. I just wish she didn’t exclude me.
Eve’s presence has been making me feel increasingly lonely. We barely speak about the things we used to speak about. I don’t know how to bring it up with her. Weirdly enough, she seems rather pleased. I catch her staring at something in front of her, with empty eyes and a smile on her face.
The pit in my stomach is growing heavy. I barely sleep at night. I’ve never really had nightmares, not even as a child. Yesterday night I dreamt about Eve. I had a terrible dream. Her face was hollow as if she hadn’t eaten in months. Her hair was falling out and her skin was deformed with mold. She reached out with long-nailed hands to claw at the rashes, but before reaching her face, the nails morphed into worms and crawled up over her arms, to her face and into her mouth. She chewed on them happily. The sound of teeth and worms sounded loud and real into my own ears. It woke me up. What a terrible dream.
I managed to talk to Eve about my dreams. She thought they were funny, said she had been having great dreams. I believe her, but I almost can’t believe how we experience such different things. We used to be so close. Eve said she has been dreaming about vast landscapes with happy people. The landscape was green and fertile, almost every species of fruit and vegetable was able to grow on that soil. Everyone was eating fruits directly from the trees and sharing bites mouth to mouth. Eve said she could’ve been kept in that dream forever.
Eve is sleeping longer hours nowadays.
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[1]: Dreams of Blauw are any form of crystallised thought based on honest expression. Sometimes they linger a shade of blue in your after-image.
